Meditation Project: Spaciousness and Loving-Kindness
This week my discoveries were all personal. Basically I'm finding that my mental state while I'm sitting is strongly influenced by the instructions I give myself and by the words themselves that I repeat to myself. For example, when I previously told myself to "go deeper" into a state of relaxation, I seemed to go to a place that felt a bit dark and heavy, a state where I didn't feel fully comfortable. So this week I tried a different tack and asked myself to "be spacious." This created a lighter, more open feeling in my brain that felt freer and more comfortable. I realized later that the Magritte imagery I'd been choosing for the meditation project had a combination of peacefulness with spaciousness (there is always a blue sky with white clouds). Perhaps that is what I'm really looking for?
How about you? Does your choice of imagery and words have a profound effect on the type of relaxation/quietness/peacefulness that you experience when you meditate?
Instead of pursuing spaciousness daily this week (which I'd still like to try), I focused the rest of the week on loving-kindness, including two practices that I led myself through rather than using the recording. Basically I prefer the quiet to having a voice guiding me, but it was good to learn the practice and get it under my belt by repeating it several times with Sharon Salzberg.
The reason I decided to focus on loving-kindness is because of some changes in my life that started this last week: our adult daughter and her dog came to live with us temporarily. Though I love them both dearly, it is also a challenging situation for all of us, so I wanted to try everything I could to be as patient and kind as possible. Here's hoping a loving-kindness helps with that!
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Practiced Legs Up the Wall with the first ten minutes telling myself to go deeper into the state of relaxation as I have in the past. But there's some kind of darkness that I don't enjoy about "deep." Perhaps there is a fear associated with it? But I suddenly got the idea I should focus on "spaciousness" instead. And I practiced that for 10 more minutes. Wow, what a difference! I really enjoyed the experience of "spaciousness" in my brain. Maybe this will make meditating more enjoyable in general for me. I'll try it one day in my heart area, too.
Monday, February 11, 2019
Practiced the Sharon Salzberg loving-kindness meditation again, adding extra time on after the end so I could spend some time in silence. I'm learning that I just crave some meditation time without guidance—in silence—and even if that means sitting longer than 15 minutes, I really want at least a couple of more minutes past the end of the guided meditation (Sharon Salzberg's ends a bit weirdly where she suggests how to go about your day and then suddenly there is silence). So I'm going to try gradually adding more and more time on to the end of the guided meditation. That will also help me practice the phrases on my own without reminders.
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Practiced the Sharon Salzberg loving-kindness meditation again, adding more extra time on after the end. This time I practiced after lunch and I felt very, very relaxed, almost sleepy. Would the same thing happen if I practiced at another time of day?
One of these days I'll try practicing first thing in the morning, but I have a major resistance to it so I think why make it even more challenging to practice regularly?
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Practiced the Sharon Salzberg loving-kindness meditation again, adding even more extra time on after the end. This time I practiced before lunch rather than afterward, and while I still felt relaxed, I felt less sleepy during the practice so practicing after a meal might not be such a good idea for me.
Thursday, February 14, 2019
I decided I wanted to dedicate my entire loving-kindness practice to one person so I took the plunge and did a self-guided practice. I was successful getting through it (I don't know why but I still worry about making through sessions for some reason). And this particular day there was a lot of commotion in the house, including talking, running up and down stairs, and moving furniture. The first five minutes were the most challenging but I settled in after that.
It doesn't bother me to try to meditate in a less than quiet environment. I just remember Ram's grandfather taking him to the train station in India to practice meditation. It's not about just being quiet in a quiet place; it's about learning to be quiet in a noisy place, too.
Friday, February 15, 2019
Another day of a self-guided loving-kindness meditation, where I focused just on one person. I love having the freedom to do this sometimes. Of course, I could do a whole practice on "all beings" as well one day. Also, I definitely prefer not having a voice to guide me but who knows there may be some days when I feel mentally lazy and would enjoy some guidance.
by Nina Zolotow
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