Meditation Project: Trial and Error
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| The Return by Rene Magritte |
But also during the week my friend Brooke wrote a comment on Facebook that completely changed my feelings about the meditation project—in a very positive way. She was describing how she spent 2018 working on her meditation practice.
"I have tried several apps and finally found a few guided meditations that work for me with the help of a mindfulness coach. Figuring out timing was a challenge but I manage to carve out a 3:00 slot in a sample room 3 days a week. On the other days, I do a water meditation around 10pm which is unconventional but very effective for me since being immersed in water is the only time I don’t feel my chronic pain. Lots of trial and error."
The idea that I could just do a lot of experimenting this year rather than committing to one type of practice for the whole year made me feel so relieved. First of all, it meant there was hope I could find a practice that I enjoyed more than what I had been doing in the past. And second it meant I could approach each session with a spirit of curiosity, rather than reluctant determination.
How was your week? Did you make a plan? Did you stick to it? Did you have any interesting experiences or learn something new? Please let us all know in the comments section.
Now here comes my meditation diary.
Monday, December 31, 2018
For my first session, I decided to give my self a break and meditate in Legs Up the Wall pose, using the So Ham technique. My thinking was that I hate thinking about my posture and it's hard for me to get comfortable in a seated position, but I just love Legs Up the Wall pose. I have some very pleasant memories of doing this pose for 20-25 minutes combined with breath awareness and reaching a very deep state of relaxation.
As usual, I enjoyed myself while practicing in this pose. However, as I was practicing, I couldn't help but worry that this was cheating somehow. Because being upside down causes a physiological response in the body (triggering the Relaxation Response automatically—see Why You Should Love Your Baroreceptors) that would mean the pose itself was doing the work of quieting my mind, not me.
I've noticed that worrying about "cheating" is a ongoing issue for me, and I'll be writing more about that in the next week because I got some very interesting answers from Ram Rao about the differences between deep relaxation and meditation.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Since I was worried about cheating by doing Legs Up the Wall pose, I decided to sit today. And because Sharon Olson told me that the Insight Meditation timer was so good, I decided to try that. Even a small thing like having a nice sound to look forward to at the end of a session turned out to be very helpful to me. So consider me a convert.
However, for this session I was restless and bored, and Brad interrupted me in the middle even though I asked him not to because someone dropped by to see us. I did finish the session and at least felt a sense of accomplishment for showing up this second day.
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
I sat in Virasana, practiced So Ham, and used the timer again. This was after I read Brooke's comment and, weirdly, knowing I could do anything I wanted made me feel free to do the same thing again. It came to me after the session had already started that I would like having interval chimes so I didn't have a panicky feeling about being lost in time and having no idea when I would be able to stop. (Does everyone have those feelings?)
Then, after four minutes, Brad interrupted me again by arriving home two hours earlier than usual and instead of coming upstairs calling up to me.
Brad: Hello! Are you home?
Me: I'm meditating.
Brad: Of course you are meditating.
Me: 9 more minutes.
Clearly the husband needs more training.
Then, also weirdly, after I resumed meditating I felt myself go very quiet and drop into a very deep state of relaxation. I also felt—haha—I still don't like this process.
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Today I practiced sitting in Virasana again with So Ham, but I also tried setting the timer to go off at 5-minute intervals. And this definitely reduced some of the claustrophobia I had been experiencing in the past—which I'm just able to articulate for the first time—as if I was trapped in meditation sessions. Interesting.
A couple of minutes after the first chime, I felt the Relaxation Response kick in and like the day before I became very quiet. (I've noticed that when I do relaxation practices, it takes about 7 or 8 minutes for the Relaxation Response to kick in.)
I decided that I have probably trained my nervous system through other relaxation practices to enter a state of deep relaxation fairly easily. I'm going to write more about this idea in a future post.
Friday, January 4, 2019
I decided to move my practice to earlier in the day so there would be no chance of being interrupted. So while I previously meditated in the mid-afternoon, today I meditated just after lunch.
I sat in Virasana again—my favorite sitting position—and used the timer with 5-minute intervals. I just love this technique! It is making a huge difference to me.
My mind wandered a lot during this session—I even noticed myself internally ranting at someone who shall remain nameless—but I did notice some quieting happening, though not the strong relaxation that I'd experienced that previous two days. Afterward, I definitely felt a lot quieter and I noticed I didn't want to rush back to work. I was happy I could just quietly write some notes in my notebook about my practice instead.
Saturday, January 5, 2019
I wasn't looking forward to sitting again today, so I decided I needed a treat to reward myself for my good work this week. So I'm meditated in Legs Up the Wall pose again. And maybe I just need to get over this idea of "cheating."
Brad was home so I told him I would be meditating and he asked me to close the door to the room. He said that would be a signal to him that he should not bother me. I'll do that in the future.
Instead of practicing So Ham, once in the pose I decided to put my hands on my ribs and practice by observing my chest expand and retract with my breath. That led me to a feeling of deep relaxation, again, around 7 or 8 minutes into the pose. I used the timer with 5-minute intervals and set it for 20 minutes.
Sometimes during the 20 minutes I was in the pose, I had a strange feeling of blankness and other times I noticed I was having fragmented, illogical thoughts like I do before I fall asleep. But I didn't actually fall asleep. I have no idea whether this is a good sign or a bad sign.
After the final chime goes off, the timer tells you how many other people were meditating with you. I kind of like that.
by Nina Zolotow
The idea that I could just do a lot of experimenting this year rather than committing to one type of practice for the whole year made me feel so relieved. First of all, it meant there was hope I could find a practice that I enjoyed more than what I had been doing in the past. And second it meant I could approach each session with a spirit of curiosity, rather than reluctant determination.
How was your week? Did you make a plan? Did you stick to it? Did you have any interesting experiences or learn something new? Please let us all know in the comments section.
Now here comes my meditation diary.
Monday, December 31, 2018
For my first session, I decided to give my self a break and meditate in Legs Up the Wall pose, using the So Ham technique. My thinking was that I hate thinking about my posture and it's hard for me to get comfortable in a seated position, but I just love Legs Up the Wall pose. I have some very pleasant memories of doing this pose for 20-25 minutes combined with breath awareness and reaching a very deep state of relaxation.
As usual, I enjoyed myself while practicing in this pose. However, as I was practicing, I couldn't help but worry that this was cheating somehow. Because being upside down causes a physiological response in the body (triggering the Relaxation Response automatically—see Why You Should Love Your Baroreceptors) that would mean the pose itself was doing the work of quieting my mind, not me.
I've noticed that worrying about "cheating" is a ongoing issue for me, and I'll be writing more about that in the next week because I got some very interesting answers from Ram Rao about the differences between deep relaxation and meditation.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Since I was worried about cheating by doing Legs Up the Wall pose, I decided to sit today. And because Sharon Olson told me that the Insight Meditation timer was so good, I decided to try that. Even a small thing like having a nice sound to look forward to at the end of a session turned out to be very helpful to me. So consider me a convert.
However, for this session I was restless and bored, and Brad interrupted me in the middle even though I asked him not to because someone dropped by to see us. I did finish the session and at least felt a sense of accomplishment for showing up this second day.
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
I sat in Virasana, practiced So Ham, and used the timer again. This was after I read Brooke's comment and, weirdly, knowing I could do anything I wanted made me feel free to do the same thing again. It came to me after the session had already started that I would like having interval chimes so I didn't have a panicky feeling about being lost in time and having no idea when I would be able to stop. (Does everyone have those feelings?)
Then, after four minutes, Brad interrupted me again by arriving home two hours earlier than usual and instead of coming upstairs calling up to me.
Brad: Hello! Are you home?
Me: I'm meditating.
Brad: Of course you are meditating.
Me: 9 more minutes.
Clearly the husband needs more training.
Then, also weirdly, after I resumed meditating I felt myself go very quiet and drop into a very deep state of relaxation. I also felt—haha—I still don't like this process.
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Today I practiced sitting in Virasana again with So Ham, but I also tried setting the timer to go off at 5-minute intervals. And this definitely reduced some of the claustrophobia I had been experiencing in the past—which I'm just able to articulate for the first time—as if I was trapped in meditation sessions. Interesting.
A couple of minutes after the first chime, I felt the Relaxation Response kick in and like the day before I became very quiet. (I've noticed that when I do relaxation practices, it takes about 7 or 8 minutes for the Relaxation Response to kick in.)
I decided that I have probably trained my nervous system through other relaxation practices to enter a state of deep relaxation fairly easily. I'm going to write more about this idea in a future post.
Friday, January 4, 2019
I decided to move my practice to earlier in the day so there would be no chance of being interrupted. So while I previously meditated in the mid-afternoon, today I meditated just after lunch.
I sat in Virasana again—my favorite sitting position—and used the timer with 5-minute intervals. I just love this technique! It is making a huge difference to me.
My mind wandered a lot during this session—I even noticed myself internally ranting at someone who shall remain nameless—but I did notice some quieting happening, though not the strong relaxation that I'd experienced that previous two days. Afterward, I definitely felt a lot quieter and I noticed I didn't want to rush back to work. I was happy I could just quietly write some notes in my notebook about my practice instead.
Saturday, January 5, 2019
I wasn't looking forward to sitting again today, so I decided I needed a treat to reward myself for my good work this week. So I'm meditated in Legs Up the Wall pose again. And maybe I just need to get over this idea of "cheating."
Brad was home so I told him I would be meditating and he asked me to close the door to the room. He said that would be a signal to him that he should not bother me. I'll do that in the future.
Instead of practicing So Ham, once in the pose I decided to put my hands on my ribs and practice by observing my chest expand and retract with my breath. That led me to a feeling of deep relaxation, again, around 7 or 8 minutes into the pose. I used the timer with 5-minute intervals and set it for 20 minutes.
Sometimes during the 20 minutes I was in the pose, I had a strange feeling of blankness and other times I noticed I was having fragmented, illogical thoughts like I do before I fall asleep. But I didn't actually fall asleep. I have no idea whether this is a good sign or a bad sign.
After the final chime goes off, the timer tells you how many other people were meditating with you. I kind of like that.
by Nina Zolotow
I am now, too, a covert to the Insight timer. I was able to manage the 15 mins I was aiming for more easily at least twice. I missed one day ( continually telling yourself you will just do it later risks not working when you run out of time and feel tired, silly as it would help with the day!) One day I just tried something someone near me was using to meditate, Om Mani Padme Hum (Joshua Canter), a chant I liked, 12 mins. Really interesting reading the comments! By the way, can 'cheating' matter if it achieves the required physiological effect! It must be our too easily activated guilt complex working!
ReplyDeleteGlad the Insight timer is working for you! And chanting a mantra is a good way to meditate if you can find one you like and that style works for you.
DeleteThis "cheating" thing appears to be one of my personal issues. I'm just starting to understand it. So I will be working on it. (I want to be honest and share what really comes up for me.)
PS I was taught to sit in Virasana (propped up a LOT if the knees need it) at a mindfulness retreat. It has been my saviour- I don't think sitting for long periods suits many even practised yogis.
ReplyDeleteThat is my favorite seated pose. I don't do well with external rotation. So far, 15 minutes is no problem (I used a prop). One of these days I'll try it for a longer period.
Delete