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| Pink Belles, Tattered Skies by Rene Magritte |
This week I had the insight that making judgments about how you are meditating after you noticed your mind has wandered or that you're on autopilot with your attention is living in the past. After all, you're thinking about what you have already done. So I came up with a way to just moving on when I noticed my attention has wavered by saying to myself "Moving on!" In other words, yes, I am still noticing my attention had wandered from the object of meditation but by "moving on" I'm giving all my attention to the present moment, not the past one.
I'm really finding this helpful. Not only has meditating become more pleasant, without as much wondering about when the next chime is going to go off (sometimes I'm really surprised now!) but I'm also finding that I notice the relaxation response kick in reliably around 7 to 8 minutes. Does anyone else have this experience?
One thing about the relaxation response surprises me, however. While I experience a noticeable shift in myself (what I call "going dark") as the relaxation response kicks in, I am surprised at how unquiet my mind remains. Maybe my thoughts are less disturbing but, whoa, there still are so many thoughts. It has become obvious that truly quieting the mind is a long-term goal, even for the briefest moment.
Sunday, May 19, 2019
I was super tired from having house guests all weekend, so as I practiced Legs Up the Wall pose with my mantra, I worried about falling asleep (yes, I can fall asleep with my legs up the wall). That didn't happen and I felt quite peaceful during the practice, but afterward I was still tired.
Monday, May 20, 2019
I did my regular seated practice. This is the day I observed that judging yourself about your meditation is living in the past, so I came up with the idea of just mentally saying to myself "Moving on!" when I noticed my attention wavering.
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
For my seated practice today, I decided to harness my attention by mentally "enunciating" my mantra and perform it rhythmically, as if I was chanting. I managed to avoid a lot of judgment—didn't need to judge the judging! I felt the relaxation response clearly kick in around 7 or 8 minutes (between the two chimes).
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
Continued to work both on "moving on" when I noticed my attention wavering and on silent chanting of the mantra. As with the previous day, I felt the relaxation response clearly kick in around 7 or 8 minutes.
Thursday, May 23, 2019
Not judging feels so good. Not that I don't understand I need to try to do better—that's why I'm "chanting my mantra—but I can just move on from where I was. There was a lot of distraction today because Brad was talking loudly on the phone, and so I didn't notice the relaxation response take effect the way it had been the previous days.
Friday, May 24, 2019
I forgot to take notes this day but what I remember is that I did the same practice as the days before with "chanting" because that's my new practice and that I noticed I was really starting to have less awareness of time passing and that instead of waiting for the chimes as milestones I was anxious to arrive at, I started being really surprised when they went off.
by Nina Zolotow
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